I Can Remember
by eatingpaper
Summary: Gin has left Soul Society - and Rangiku, who misses him to the point she thinks she's hallucinating. Or is she? RanGin


Disclaimer - Bleach is _not _mine. i dislike the smell. and if i _did _own bleach, the Vaizardo would be the main characters XDD

Me - YAY i'm back. with a new story. and a very broken heart. i got ZERO reviews for my other story. but _bleeeh. _if i don't get reviews i guess it's okay. LOL. at least i have a chance to post my stories, right ? XD simply writing / typing isn't as FUN and Normal 0 false false false EN-SG X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 EXHILARATING as POSTING them. even if the teachers praises you and stuff. anyway.

i DO hope you will enjoy THIS story / essay or whatever. and i will be over the moon if i find reviews. just one is enough

(hint hint!)

* * *

Ichimaru Gin.

I can remember his scent. I can remember the silvery tones of his voice. I can remember his embrace. I can remember the silver sound of his name.

I sighed, and fingered the characters written on to the paper with the black ink. They felt powdery, like all drying-ink does. I sighed once more and leaned back, stretching. The endless minutes of paperwork was horrible, and Taichou had gone off to some stupid meeting, leaving _me _with this _mountain _of documents.

Horror of all Horrors! The _worst_ Torture _ever_.

I smiled, noticing the dusty beams which lined the ceiling of the Administration Office. Taichou wouldn't be happy to know that a few spiders were busily weaving a canopy for him over his desk. Wouldn't be happy at all. What if Taichou found out, and ordered more paperwork for me since I didn't tell him?

Maybe I should go and sweep those spider webs down...

Ichimaru Gin.

The sorrow locked in my heart is replaced with anger. Anger for reasons I do not know. I simply felt angry – but why? Gin had been the one who had given me life. He had continually fed me, looked after me, and most of the times, stayed by my side. He had left me, I was used to that. But every time Gin left, he left without a word, but he always came back, days, weeks or months later.

He always came back.

But this time, he had left _for good_. He wasn't going to come back. Even if he _did,_ the old geezer with the cane wouldn't let him live for long. He was a labelled traitor and enemy. He was probably going to be killed on the spot.

Maybe that was why he didn't come back, even though he left me.

Maybe that was why I felt angry. Shunned, forgotten, easily thrown away.

_Gross_.

I'm s_elf-delusional. _

_Seriously_.

I wasn't about to be trodden all over, oh no! I wasn't going to take this treatment without noise!I too have an identity, feelings, and _pride_. And no way in Soul Society was I going to let _Gin _walk over it. No way was I going to let him _throw _me  and expect me _not _to retaliate...

Or maybe _I _was the one in the wrong? Gin had given me _life, _after all. Without life, there wasn't a need for pride, was there? Soul Society had given me a _purpose_, but the life Gin had given me prided over _that_, didn't it?

The anger which took over sorrow turned into confusion.

What am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to feel?

Gin had betrayed Soul Society, the place to which the two of us had pledged our lives to (during the Academy Graduation Ceremony). And I had _promised_ Gin that I would follow where he went, his little shadow, his _cat_.

Does betraying Soul Society count as following him, too?

I have already broken my promise – I was still in the office, wasn't I?

I was still doing _paperwork_.

They've locked up Hinamori since they believe that her loyalty and admiration for _her _taichou would cause her to turn into a traitor. She was kept safely behind bars, locked in a kidou cell, far away from the turmoil of the approaching Winter War.

How about me?

Why wasn't I granted that equal mercy? Aren't I dangerous, too? Why do they not think that my _love_ for Gin would turn _me _into a traitor? Why wasn't I put safely behind bars, locked in a kidou cell and far away from the approaching Winter War?

Why did they force me to _fight _against the only person which I love?

'Saving the world', they call it. But what becomes of _my _world, since the only one person in it has been killed – probably by my comrades' hands. If _my _world, shatters, doesn't that equal to _not _saving the world _at all_?

Or maybe our own individual lives counted as nothing compared to the rest of the world.

Huh.

What kind of logic is this, anyway.

Or maybe I'm simply going mad.

Mad with grief, sorrow, loss. Crazy with hurt and anger.

And yet, deep down in my heart, I don't want to _do _this. I don't _want _to be in this office, filling in papers for the organization which is the enemy of the person I love.

I want to be by his side.

Just the sound of his darkly muttered name sends my heart fluttering like a bird. I can imagine his voice, his touch, his breath. His scent. Filling me, making me _whole_. Satisfying the hole which he left me with. My breath hitches when I imagine his voice, my body yearns for his touch.

And I will have to face him in battle, eventually.

It's my duty, my orders, my _purpose_.

Carrying out my _purpose _against the one which gave me _life._

"Rangiku."

I froze, too startled to jump – to surprised to move.

Just a single word – my name – slipping out from his lips.

I can almost see him, standing in front of my desk, his usual grin, his eyes crinkled so much they look nearly closed. His slightly purple hair glinting in the sun.

And in a second he is gone.

Gone like the wind.

Gone like he always goes – soft, silent, sudden.

I got up to fetch the broom and sweep the spider webs away. I need a break from paperwork. I wouldn't put it past Taichou to not give me more paperwork if he ever glances up at his silver-gray canopy.

Silver-gray.

Just like Gin.

When I was halfway done with clearing the webs, that same word came again. The same silvery voice. The same chiding tone.

"Rangiku."

_It's just a hallucination._ I remind myself. There's no way he would be in Soul Society without raising the alarm. But then again, he _is _ever so silent.

A hallucination. The figure standing in front of me was a hallucination. The hair was the same, the perpetual grin, the crinkled eyes, the foxy feeling, the way he held himself – an air of amusement and superiority.

I turned my back to the figure, feeling my anger and sorrow rise inside of me.

Hallucinations can be ever so correct.

Hallucinations can be ever so accurate in their portrayal of the mind's eye.

_That_ was what I thought until a pair of real, solid arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me into his chest. An equally solid and firm chest. I can feel my heart thrumming – excited beyond containment.

"I missed you."

The simple words, that mean the world to me. The three simple words which mean that he didn't toss me aside like a broken toy – he remembered me, thought of me, _missed me_.

I was _missed_ by _him_.

I let the broom handle fall from my shaking hands and grasp his strong, powerful arms. My hands didn't pass through the pale skin – he was real.

_Real _

He _came back_

He _missed me_

It was like being in _paradise_. It was as if my real value was being realised. I _swear _I nearly burst with the mix of emotions I felt then.

Joy, happiness, satisfaction, pure bliss

Sorrow, hurt, numbness

Anger, annoyance

Just when I had given up, when I had faced the fact that he was not coming again, he popped up and destroyed that piece of mind – the sorrowful and angry mindset.

His grip is tighter. I can scarcely breathe. He doesn't realise it

"...G-G-Gin..." I said desperately. It's as if my lungs were being squeezed. But that desperation and agony is replaced with a sharp, new pain. I can feel wetness spreading at my stomach.

The pain drowns out all emotions and thoughts

_It's just so pain_

I fall to the ground, and stare blankly ahead at the legs of Taichou's desk. I can see the redness of my blood forming a red patch around my wound. I can see Gin's feet, donning the Arrancar shoes. I can see the shining tip of Shinsou, dangling loosely in front of my face.

_Utter despair Complete grief Perfect dejection_

He missed me.

He's killing me

He _stabbed _me

The tip of Shinsou is stained red.

_My _blood.

"Gomen." Is all he says, before he crouches on the floor and presses his lips against mine.

The softest, most tender kiss I've ever had from him

I can taste the regret on his lips

I can smellhis _sorrow_

And after that, he is gone. His presence is no longer in the room. I can hear footsteps.

Soft, silent, sudden.

Gin

The door to the office is sliding open –

"MATSUMOTO?!"

I can remember the feeling of his lips. I can remember his scent. I can remember the silvery tones of his voice. I can remember his embrace. I can remember his ... –

_love _

_I can remember

* * *

Me - happy to reach the end of this essay / story / oneshot / whatever!_

i REAAAAALLY can't keep in character, can i? it seems like Rangiku is too well..._mature_. LOL =.=

and this is my sorta SECOND BLEACH fanfic. and about the funny things, like the missing punctuation marks. that's because to _me,_ the funny symbol at the end of a string of words signifies the _end. _so i didn't put funny symbols at the ends of some strings of words since i wanted them to _carry on _, if you get what i mean. and the '[peace] of mind becoming '_piece _of mind' is to signify something along the lines of Rangiku being _broken_.you know... _piece_s.

oh geez, i'm so naggy / draggy / boring.

REVIEW !!!

(LAZAR BEEEMS)


End file.
